I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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