well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
