Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
