imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
