after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
