whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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