We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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