I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
