I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
