the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
