Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
love makes seman taste better
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
