I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
