I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
