Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
