I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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