I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
