so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
