She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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