no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
