Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
