u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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