Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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