Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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