We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
