He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
