I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
