She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
