I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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