we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
