You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
