I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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