but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just high enough for therapy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
