its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
