Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Still dying that you shit outside
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
