they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
