youre lurking in front of me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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