is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
