i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
