I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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