I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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