who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
