Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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