I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
