I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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