Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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