Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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