He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
