have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
