this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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