what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
