If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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