Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
