I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
