She even gives head with a lisp.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
