This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
